We want our children to do well because the feeling will bring them satisfaction, not because they are competing or receiving a prize. We want our children to be proud of what they have achieved, whether it is an academic success or a personal one. We want them to understand that everyone has bad days and makes mistakes. We want our children to believe in themselves and have confidence in their abilities. This high self-esteem goes hand in hand with inner motivation.
Below – let me share 5 tips for raising children with strong inner motivation and cognitive endurance.
1. Leave room for mistakes
It is important for the children Not to see failure as an end point, but as a starting point from which they can grow.
Researchers have found that adults with cognitive endurance are less likely to raise blood pressure in the presence of stress and have a better health, and can be leaders.
One study shows that when children are angry, they are more likely to use new and unconventional problem-solving strategies. Negative emotions such as dissatisfaction and anger can mostly increase the motivation to achieve something and endure.
"If parents want to make a gift to their children, the best choice is to teach them to love challenges, to be curious about mistakes, to rejoice in the work done and to continue learning. This way the children will not become seekers of praise. They will have a lifetime to build and adjust their self-esteem.”
- Carol Dweck, psychologist.
2. Recognize effort
When your child is really trying to work hard and put in a lot of effort, you need to acknowledge him. When he shows you that he is internally motivated, mark him so that he can begin to recognize how he feels when he has achieved something. Also recognize when the kid is just proud. "I can see that you are very proud of the story you wrote: “Do you know why you feel that way? Because you worked hard and I'm very proud of you.”
Young children have a fixed way of thinking. They do not assume that things will change. Therefore, if you say, "You're smart" or "You're so good at math," they'll think it's a constant for them. This is their innate ability to do so, they are good at math. One day they will be given a math task that is difficult. And they will believe that they do not have the “ability” to solve the problem and they will give up without making an effort.
However, if you constantly comment on how they work hard, they will believe that they did the job because they worked hard. Thus, when faced with a difficult mathematical task, they will make a lot of effort instead of surrendering.
Not everything is about encouragement. It's more about helping your child to understand how he feels when he's working on something.
He will believe that he can solve the problem with enough effort. This is a big part of intrinsic motivation.
And if some tasks are difficult and the kid fails, he will try again, which is exactly the cognitive endurance. This is also related to the child growth in mental activity.
"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." says Peggy O’Mara. Give the child an inner voice that praises endurance, effort, and cares for the inner belief that he can cope.
3. Divide the big goals into small steps
Sometimes failures will happen again and again. Then the children need extra encouragement to be internally motivated to achieve something and not give up.
The best way to help the child is to divide the goal into smaller parts and evaluate his progress. Learning to divide the goal into possible steps is a key life ability. By setting small goals we build habits and this way we teach our children how important it is to exercise, we give them the confidence to try more complex tasks over and over again.
4. Celebrate the success
When the praise is genuine it is useful for the child's inner motivation.
Praise does not have many admirers, because it is true that praising innate qualities or overdoing it is problematic.
"I really like the picture you made! I see you've worked hard on her. I'll hang her in my office.”
"Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative endeavor."
- Franklin Roosevelt.
Help your child recognize those feelings of pride, happiness, and satisfaction that come with a lot of work, good play, and re-trying.
5. Encourage gratitude
In the worst moments of the child day, help him see the ray of hope or something for which he is grateful. Seeing the good in the world, even when things are difficult, helps him remain optimistic. This helps reinforce his beliefs that he can do good in the world.
Here are some examples you can use:
- What are you grateful for today?
- How did someone help you today?
- Who would you like to thank today?
- What are you proud of?
Shared with Joy